Style it Out!

Lee and Dale return to chat about their week with Lee concerned about having to work and not golf. Dale mentions the wife's flaws as Lee remembers his illegal entry to TPC Sawgrass in lycra. The brothers in law discuss early years at sea, betting tips, work/life balance, the art of confidence and much more as they catch up for a natter.

Transcript

SPEAKER_02 0:08

Welcome to Highlands to Islands. I'm Lee, chatting to you from the Highlands.

SPEAKER_01 0:13

And I'm Dale, living life here on the Isles of Scilly.

SPEAKER_02 0:17

Each week we'll swap stories from the Highlands to the Islands, local news, DIY disasters, barbecue bragging, golf frustrations, and all weird and wonderful stuff that fills out of weeks.

SPEAKER_01 0:27

Basically, it's two brother-in-laws having a laugh, trying to one-up each other, and bringing you along for the ride.

SPEAKER_02 0:33

So grab a cupper or a pint and let's jump into today's episode.

SPEAKER_01 0:43

Well, I got my uh six o'clock beer. Uh it's um it's been a really busy week, I have to say, and uh I think every time I say that I'm tired. I'm I'm really tired of this week. We've had um quite a big week at work in terms of uh meetings, reviews and audits. Um so a bit a bit of relief. Um and and quite I think I quite deserve this uh end of week beer um after the uh the number of meetings and and stuff that we've been through and successfully um passing our audit. Um it's all about stuff with uh Port Marine Safety Code. Um and a harbour users group meeting as well, and and sort of like one eye on start of the season. So we're um we're trying to g everybody up to um to try and be positive where possible over the start of the season because the islands just look a bit drab at the moment, covered in scaffolding and and lots of building works going on. So um yeah, um I'm I'm glad the weekend's here, if I'm honest. It's been quite a stretch. I I hear that you've had to do some work this week as well.

SPEAKER_02 1:42

Well, you could tell that because I wasn't posting anything about golf. So yes, uh, I've been at work, damn it. Uh I don't not even sure what the weather's been like. It's been windy the last couple of days, so I wouldn't have paid for the past couple of days, but yeah, yes, unfortunately, uh uh work sometimes gets in the way. But uh anyway, I I hear you're on best behaviour because uh your boss you've now uh stitched yourself up by telling your boss that uh uh you've got a podcast and they'll be listening to it. So uh yes.

SPEAKER_01 2:07

Yeah, yeah. Um probably the best b boss in the world, you know.

SPEAKER_02 2:10

If Carlsberg made bosses, uh then that would be very good, very good. Well, my I'm just basically gonna do my best to stitch you up for the rest of this podcast just so you say something inappropriate. Uh best behavior.

SPEAKER_01 2:24

Well, it depends how well how quickly this beer goes down. So exactly.

SPEAKER_02 2:27

In fact, good point. Yes, yeah, it won't happen straight away. Just let it just go, have another beer. If I hear the second can, that's when I'll start just uh go on, you can say it, say it.

SPEAKER_01 2:36

Chucking in a few hand grenades, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 2:38

Yeah, yeah. Just uh who's the favourite person? Who's the worst person? What do you really think of works? Yeah, Mary, what is it? Mary Murder and uh yeah, um, I remember that game. Uh very childish. I won't go in there. No, but no Mary Shag Murder, that's it. Have you ever played that before?

SPEAKER_01 2:58

Uh yeah, I have. And it was something else I'm trying to think. Well, last weekend. Uh no, um, I'm sure it's called similar snog marry a void or something like that. Exactly. I mean that's that's probably a very polite way of doing it. The SX version is obviously clearly a bit more rough, but it's good.

SPEAKER_02 3:17

I I I you just reminded me, I um I did some work once, uh some trials and stuff, and I knew that the recordings would be taken away to be uh uh reviewed for the data, but the voice was recorded as well. Um so literally, yeah, dangerous. I mean I knew it as well, and you know you started that conversation and you just got the eye, everyone was looking, they knew and they couldn't answer it, and everyone just kind of like didn't just ignored it, but you they knew no one took the bite. No one took the bite.

SPEAKER_01 3:44

Oh, fair play. Well, that's nice. It's always worth throwing out there. Yeah, you never know what happens. You wait for that bomb bomb moment to go off. Excellent. Get the popcorn.

SPEAKER_02 3:54

Yes, yes, so uh yeah, study week. In fact, we might have to uh speed up this podcast tonight because the uh buddy um we've started this whilst uh the players is on. I've got money on it. And in fact, well, I don't know if you're listening to this, I haven't got money on this at all. And uh he's not currently leading uh at some ridiculous odds at the moment. So uh yeah, but uh fair play.

SPEAKER_01 4:15

Well, if you if you start you know whooping and jumping around the house, then you have got money on it. It's all right when you win.

SPEAKER_02 4:20

You can well that's it, yeah. Yeah, it's early days yet. It's it's you know, um uh what day is it today? Friday. So yeah, we've got a couple of days yet to go, but he was in the lead. Um so yes, we shall see.

SPEAKER_01 4:32

Oh well, I'm I'm I might um is that your hot tip?

SPEAKER_02 4:35

Is it is that shall I uh shall I have a a flutter on well yeah you could I'm just thinking, but it's I mean you can probably um well if you do you're gonna ruin it.

SPEAKER_01 4:46

Well kiss her death on it. Well I just well I just want to say um because uh Fran wanted me to mention your your previous tip um last week over the what film we should walk and watch. Um well Fran's comment was was quite well it's straight to the point. She said that film was shit. And she doesn't like Ryan Goslin.

SPEAKER_02 5:09

I haven't even watched it too. So I don't want to go anywhere near it.

SPEAKER_01 5:12

So don't don't bother. In fact, don't even waste your time looking up reviews or rotten tomatoes. It it has a place, but it it wasn't for uh um a night in with a takeaway and and let's watch a film together. Yeah. Fair enough. Gash. Yeah, yeah. I mean, thanks Lee for his film tip.

SPEAKER_02 5:32

So good news is Fran, I haven't got any more this week. I I still don't know what to watch. We're still in a position now, we've finished our TV series, and Anna's on the I'm not even lying now, it's literally started ER. I think there's 12 seasons of ER.

SPEAKER_01 5:46

What from gone back to the beginning? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Weren't they in black and white when they started? It was that long ago. Christ.

SPEAKER_02 5:51

Honestly, it's it's doing my nut in. I mean, yeah, it it's revenge for when I'm sat there and I've got I've got nothing to watch. I'll put the American Office on and I'll start at the beginning. And every time she leaves, I've got American Office on, so she just think, Oh, I wonder and do something. I'm sure it's revenge.

SPEAKER_01 6:06

I have to say, uh, we got Ellen coming home for Easter, and I'm delighted because Ellen is she likes all the comedy stuff that exactly that American Office, um, Brooklyn 99! 99. Um, and anything like that. We'll sit and watch fun. Fran hates it. It's just ridiculous. This is just stupid. No, it's comedy. Just let yourself enjoy it. No, she's not having it. But Ellen, yeah, she'll text me messages for Brooklyn 99 quotes or or Shits Creek or maybe you could go halfway with uh Anna and uh and watch Scrubs.

SPEAKER_02 6:40

Yeah, so I've started the new season season of Scrubs. It's many.

SPEAKER_01 6:44

No, I didn't actually know.

SPEAKER_02 6:45

Yeah, uh right. I thought you were just that's a good segue. Uh if you've got Disney Plus, uh uh the new season of uh uh um Scrubs is out. Um it's not bad. If you've watched Scrubs before, you're not you know it's a long time since I watched it, if I'm honest.

SPEAKER_01 6:59

I was just thinking of something that would um float both boats there so Hannah gets a medical kick.

SPEAKER_02 7:04

She doesn't do funny shit, she doesn't do funny stuff. It's a terrible is it drab depressing? Are people dying? And is it a period drama? If the answer's yes to any nose, count me she's in. If it's funny, upbeats, nice, happy ending. Uh yeah, forget it. No, I don't want that. It's too it's too happy.

SPEAKER_01 7:23

Fran has the knack of sort of if if we've had if it is something like a takeaway or a pizza, and you think, oh, tell you what, we'll sit in front of the tele and we'll watch this. Oh, let's put on live operations or something, you know. Let's let's watch uh you know brain operations or heart transplants. No, I'm gonna eat my food, not watch this, you know, scalpel, please.

SPEAKER_02 7:41

Although, in fairness, I don't like to give too many compliments, but I am secretly impressed when they're going for the diagnosis. Uh, and Anna's already nailed it after that two seconds, and I'm like, Yeah, yeah, yeah. I have to watch then to see if she was right. I'm dying to I'm dying to say, You're useless, you just murdered that poor innocent child. Literally 100% always right. And it's some weird and wacky stuff because that's what it's on there for, isn't it? And they go, you know, there's this one little red flag, you know, what the fuck do I know? But uh uh, yeah, and she's picked up on it, and I'm kind of like, and she just looks at me, goes, Well, it is my job.

SPEAKER_01 8:12

I'm like, Yeah, fair point. Yeah, I I I've I've seen Fran do similar, so you know, be watching something, and they go, I uh I bet it's this, I bet it's bovine TB. You go, Well yeah, you know that and then five minutes later, and he's dying from bovine T B. Like, oh my god, you don't actually know what you're doing. Shit, we're all at work, we're all at work winging it. Exactly.

SPEAKER_02 8:34

Don't listen to that boss, please. I mean, Dowd can't even swim, let alone uh drive a boat. Jesus Christ definitely can't drive a boat. Uh I'm nowhere near the water. Uh but yes. Anyway, sorry, I will give you my tip because by the time people listen to this, the answer will be out. So I mean you can back. And it um Cory Connors at 70 to 1.

SPEAKER_01 8:56

70 to 1.

SPEAKER_02 8:57

And he's currently leading. I've obviously got him each way.

SPEAKER_01 9:01

And I'm not and I'm not gonna tell you there's the support he wanted.

SPEAKER_02 9:04

Yeah, yeah. I'm not gonna tell you not gonna tell you how much the return is because that you'll be able to work out how much the stake is, but I'll let you know. In fairness, though, I will give you a clue now. The cash out is at£62.55. I've only just seen it. I'm like, fuck, do I take this?

SPEAKER_01 9:22

Take it now. Oh, I'm gonna have a look at that. Yeah, let's speed this podcast up and uh loving to chat to you. Uh Lady, I'll catch you next week.

SPEAKER_02 9:30

Bye. In fact, I'll give it a rest. Tommy Fleetwood and then uh Russell uh uh Henley. Yeah, so he's steady, isn't he? Tommy Fleetwood. Yeah, yeah, Tommy, yeah, he's good. He's uh and he's just as a nice person. Every time you watch a podcast with uh any um real with Tommy Fleetwood on, you're just like one nice guy.

SPEAKER_01 9:44

Everybody likes Tommy Fleetwood, don't they?

SPEAKER_02 9:46

So we've got uh one of the guys at work, he organises a uh um every um uh not masters, every what's the word I'm looking for? The master every uh major, sorry, major every major and uh the masters and the um players, he puts together um it gets all the odds on there, and you've got to pick three um golfers, and the odds combined have to be over a hundred to one, so it stops you just picking the top three. So there are various ways you can do it. You can go, oh, I go Rory because I want it more Scotty Sheffler, but if you go Scotty and Rory, you've got to pick some absolute you know million to one person. You kind of need that person to jump in and make at least make the cut, and then you're okay. But it's uh it's tricky.

SPEAKER_01 10:31

How's my mate uh Brooks Kepka looking these days?

SPEAKER_02 10:35

Looking shit. He hates he knows he's actually doing well, but I haven't seen what he is today.

SPEAKER_01 10:39

He's back on the tour, isn't he?

SPEAKER_02 10:40

PG he is back on the tour. But he uh if you look at there's a there's a uh there's a great reel that talks about um him on the 17th at the uh players, which is the island one. I'm not sure if you know uh um no it's a famous iconic um hole. Uh it's just a it's this kind of very small, it's almost like an island. They obviously walk on it, so it's not an island, they're not getting a boat onto it, but uh uh it's been on there. It's about 130, 140 yards. Um, having been there uh and seen it, a great story of mine in a minute. I will tell you that. That's not the bike one, was it? Where you brought the course? Yes. If I mentioned if I mentioned that one on the podcast, I can't remember.

SPEAKER_01 11:19

But anyway, I can't remember, but it's a beauty story.

SPEAKER_02 11:20

Yeah, um yeah, the uh uh yeah, so anyway, that he's they just order shots and he's he's you just watch him just throwing them into water, you're just hitting them into the water, it's hilarious. I mean, you know, like I could do any better. Um but yeah, uh I'm trying I am I'm trying that thing there. I'm talking to you. I've got the ESPN app now while scrolling down to see where he is, but I haven't got him highlighted, so anyway. I let you carry on talking.

SPEAKER_01 11:46

Brooks Kepka, he's gonna smash it. I was gonna say it's that I think we mentioned this before as well. It's that meme of um the massively fat guy sitting on his sofa eating crisps and stuff, watching watching the golf ahead in the water, you fucking loser. Oh yeah, as if we could do any better.

SPEAKER_02 12:04

Exactly. Well, uh currently I think he's above the cut line there. I can't find him exactly, so he's he's okay at the moment.

SPEAKER_01 12:10

Well, he does well. He I mean he's obviously a good friend of mine, uh, considering he he he signed my cap and he doesn't sign he doesn't sign um what did he call it? It wasn't corporate gifts. He says I don't I don't sign sort of commercial stuff, and they're quite strict on that, aren't they? Some most of the conference and what they will and won't sign, but um yeah, he signed my open hat. Um you walk away with a it's it's a weird feeling. I walked away sort of with a oh yes, you know, I met somebody, you know, I I think really quite famous, or certainly a very good sportsman there. And then you look round to find that everyone else is about ten.

SPEAKER_02 12:46

Yeah, that was hilarious. That was funny. I mean I I don't think I did I didn't get a photo really of you a bunch of school kids. I can't believe you elbowed. Oh mate, you've got to go hard and make a wish. Make a wish, yeah, make a wish go there, and there's you running over like sign this! Get him away.

SPEAKER_01 13:07

I could have been talking to his caddy for all I care and you, but I was like, Oh, this everyone else is throwing their pens at you. Mate, sign this, will you? Get it away, you small child.

SPEAKER_02 13:16

He is just started and uh is uh Evens at the moment uh uh on the second round and amusing and he's fine. Well, I looked at the 17th, he parred it this time, so he didn't get wet this time, so we shall see. So we'll by the time we finish this podcast, I'll be able to watch him and see how he gets on and uh more to follow.

SPEAKER_01 13:36

I I I hope he does well. I really do. Um I did put some money on him after the open when we went up at uh at Trun for the for the um what do they call it? It's like the uh the open. I don't know, it was the open, but what the days that we went to practice day, practice day, sorry. Um and I got back feeling all excited because uh and then put some money on him and he was rubbish come the event. He was absolutely rubbish. Um lost my money and I don't think I've put a bit on since.

SPEAKER_02 14:03

So um I think he left and went to the live after that.

SPEAKER_01 14:07

I met some fella on the 18th green that's it, I'm out. He was aggressive, thrusting a yellow hat in my face. Went to live.

SPEAKER_02 14:17

Right. So apologies if I spun the story before to any podcast listeners. You've heard this, um, but um hopefully nobody on the podcast has heard this before. So I spent yeah, exactly. I spoke, spent some time in Florida, and uh um uh in my heyday, uh we have mentioned that I have uh taken many hobbies, and one of them was cycling. Um so I had my bike over there, I used to cycle around me and um some uh friends and colleagues burn around as middle-aged men in uh far too much Leica. Um and uh you where we were, you could cycle um to the uh TBC sawgrass um and that local area. Lovely cycle over there. Um and uh you used to uh used to snip onto the A2A uh Beachfront Avenue every time I literally got on there. I had I had to sing that as I turned onto it. For the uh younger listeners who've never heard of Vanilla Ice, stop listening to this podcast. Um, anyway, so um being a white middle-aged man in uh uh Florida, you can literally get away with murder. Um, because I cycled onto the estate. Nobody stopped me, there's looked but he obviously lives in these multi-million pound uh uh houses there. So we'll just we just burnt on there, bang. But cycled around, lovely estate. I thought, oh, this is nice. I thought, I thought we're meant to be in TPC Saugrass. You know, where's the golf course? Beautiful houses there. And in the distance, I could see um the media um tents and uh kind of you know the lighting and all the kind of stuff there. So oh Liam, it's over there. Can we cycle over there? So we've just burn it around and we burnt. There's a there's two courses there, and we kind of burnt through the sec uh the um the lesser uh uh of the two um and then uh get closer and closer to the uh media centre, and you know, and certainly around the um 17th. You can imagine the ground stands around there, so we're like, oh right, cool. So we're just getting closer and closer, a bit more busy, but we're just kind of cycling along. Just not we're not burning along, we're just kind of on that gentle pace to avoid all the people that are there. And it's must have been a Monday or a Tuesday, so it wasn't even open to normal um uh uh people on there. I think it was normal people, normal people, like me, because I actually turned up a couple of days later, uh paying customers. Um so uh we got on there and I went and I looked and went, that's that's the 17th. And I went, how close do you think we can get? And we're on the top of the hill, and I went, you know what? So I I just just went sold it, and we just gently, you know, when you're not cycling, but cycling, you kind of got your um you haven't got your uh feet clipped in, you just kind of like walked in cycling, just but it's downhill, and then got down there and then got the selfie with the um 17th in the background, and then eventually someone stopped me and said, uh you on a tour, private tour here. And I'm literally in rough in um Jersey, uh big shorts. I mean, yeah, yeah, because I always you always turn up on uh approved tours dressed like this with your bike, and I said, Um no, I think I just got lost, mate. Uh and then just and then just I I may have been very British when I said that to the individual as well. And then I was caught between two choices. I thought I could go and smash straight into the um uh into the golf course and just kind of lose him in there. But I thought, well, I'm coming back uh in a day or two um to actually uh and I don't want to be banned from TPC sawgrass. I thought we'll just better zoom the way back. So we just kind of got our bikes and then peddled away, and you know, before he could even say security, we disappeared into the uh uh in into the multi-million pound uh uh estate and then we just um cycled out of there again through the because it's all guided community, but we just you know just let us through, just wave as you go past morning, afternoon, and they opened the barrier and we just zoomed past and uh away we went. And then uh yeah.

SPEAKER_01 17:58

See now that story is even better because what you didn't tell me the first time was that you that you were in fucking lycra. I mean, I'm not gonna post a photo because it's uh uh yeah, but a family ended up on a uh in a sort of open or uh TPC sawgrass course with with Lycra and and and get away with it and get so close up to the 17th. And then somebody asking, should you be here? Oh, yeah, mate, yeah, totally.

SPEAKER_02 18:29

I mean I I what's the reason uh I've spun this story the second time I've spun this story today, uh, because it's it's sawgrass day. So I'm you know, I'm very excited about it. Uh but the person then said, Well, you should you should have looked at them and said, Yeah, and then just looked at her face. Next time I I I anyway, that's my uh that's my T PC sawgrass.

SPEAKER_01 18:53

I'm I'm more impressed with that now after I've heard that second time round, realising that you were an actual fucking ly cru. I had visions of your being on a classic um uh BMX with shorts and t-shirts and and just cycling down um but no, not not fully road bikes, clips.

SPEAKER_02 19:11

Oh, yeah, yeah, clip clips in, yeah, uh helmet on. In fact, you know, I I I had my helmet on. I'm not even lying now. If I was to send you the photo, you'd go, what the yeah, I mean, well, bring that helmet when we play golf next time because you'll need it with my golf.

SPEAKER_01 19:26

Um, I still haven't played, um, yeah, and I was hoping today was going to be a day of phone and tell me and saying, Shall shall we go and do nine? In fact, I thought you were on your way to the golf course today when I was trying to call you. And I was like, he's uh he's off to to look at my house up there and and after seeing what you said.

SPEAKER_02 19:52

I know everybody who's listening to us.

SPEAKER_01 19:54

Lee's just sent me a picture of of that famous photo that you gotta put that up on the uh the game mate. Oh mate, uh the fuck do you get on a golf course?

SPEAKER_02 20:05

Yeah, mate, we're we're yeah, we're players. Oh no, it's it someone said no, no, I'm part of the I'm I'm here with the Brits. I'm the I'm the fitness coach. Uh I was like, oh, that would have been fucking brilliant. Uh you know, and they would have said, Oh, next time make sure you get your pass on. And he said that to me today, and I went, Oh, that would have been such a good way to get away with it. I could have literally just burned everywhere then.

SPEAKER_01 20:24

But um, yeah maybe we should make a thing of that now. Is uh when you either well not not necessarily dressing up in lycra and got it, but when you're somewhere you shouldn't be, it's just styling it out. Uh, because sometimes you're I'm the classic of uh in my head, I'd think yeah, I'll do it. But I'm almost like the yeah, absolutely. Sorry, I'll get out your way. Let me get out and and apologize and move and and then that's I I prefer option one, mate, to be honest.

SPEAKER_02 20:47

I think you should make it your thing. And Lee, you should do all the masters uh all the majors in lycra uh and cycle all of them. So I could I I look forward to telling Anna that. Oh yeah, me and Dow are just off to uh Augusta. Why I've got to cycle around it. I may get shot, but don't worry about that.

SPEAKER_01 21:02

Have a look on the uh on the yeah, keep it keep your eye on the news. That that's that's a weird thing, and if um if we could, I think we should. That's um that's epic. That photograph's brilliant. It's just so blatant. And that's the problem, is it sometimes when you're so blatant you get away with stuff. Exactly. There's those stories of people who say, Um, my mate told me carry a ladder everywhere and you'll get in anywhere. So two people carry a ladder into like a cinema or something, and they get waved through and off they go and watch a film and just put the ladder down in the car. Or Hive Hive is another one to put it to get you through everywhere. Or the um Peter K um what'd you call it? Phoenix Knights. The people who stole the uh the TV from from the uh from the club. They were wearing overalls. All right, that makes it okay. They were wearing overalls. Anyway.

SPEAKER_02 22:00

Stories of me on funny stories, but I have got a story. I know. I have got a story on that. Exactly as you said then.

SPEAKER_01 22:06

Hang on then. Crack on.

SPEAKER_02 22:09

You've just reminded me of another story. Yeah, second bearing. Very apt. I mean, it's start talking about work. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. So in Basra, there was a uh exactly one of the headquarters there, Batalium headquarters, they had a lever settee in there. And then one of the guys, I can't generally I if I mention names here, we're talking and I I know that you've got contacts with royalty. This person who did it has got higher contacts than you. So look at the league where you are now. You could veteran expert. Anyway, um he turned around and uh he uh what did he do first of all? He put some went in there and they just he just put some tape around this uh leather um sofa that was in the corner, just put a load of leather leather so uh tape around it. It was um it was either um bomb damage or mine tape, that was it, it was mine tape around it. Um and then just and then managed to escape walk away and nothing was said. And then we got sent up there um and we went straight up to uh the kind of the uh um the desk and said uh we're here to pick up some um knackered old uh uh lever settee that someone said oh and the guy literally just pointed in the corner, like, yeah, it must have been that one over there, mate, with the one with all tape on it. So then we we grabbed the leather settee, chucked it in the landy, and sped off to our shack. And then uh yeah, that that that that um lever settee had been uh um yes, hijacked, uh freed, whatever word you want to use. Um liberated thank that's the word I'm actually looking for. Yeah, from the hate headquarters from some very posh army battalion uh uh headquarters of I'd know Badford Southeast, whatever the headquarters name is I can't remember it now. And yeah, and then um so yes, you're right, confidence, it's all about confidence. You just look there, and of course, so they're gonna yeah, yeah, oh yeah, it must be, yeah. We know nearly anyway, right? Anyway, less of Lee shit nits.

SPEAKER_01 23:59

We should no, no at all. I love them. We should try that more often. Of uh um, I might try on silly style it out, yeah. No, people on silly will have you. They they they question everything. Um uh I've had the I'm just looking at her now as you were telling the story. Little Iska, she's fast as fast asleep in her bed here in front of me. Um because Fran said, Oh, you look after the dog whilst you're doing the podcast. I was like, shit, no, she'd be mad. And she's already started shooting, but she's fast asleep in front of me. But I've had her at work this week as well. Um again Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday.

SPEAKER_02 24:32

She had a shit on the uh carpet yet?

SPEAKER_01 24:34

Uh it hasn't gone that far. No, there's a few excited wheeze. Uh that's fine, yeah. That's fine. She then I do those.

SPEAKER_02 24:42

I mean who doesn't?

SPEAKER_01 24:43

Yeah. And then there's um there's we were sitting having a we had so many meetings this week, but other people who were up and we were chatting to and blah blah blah. And you you'd either be on the on a Teams call or uh uh a telephone call or face to face up in the office upstairs, and all you'd hear is a squeak, squeak, squeak. She's got this um seagull toy that she rips apart all the time, but it's got this the squeaky thing in the middle of it. Like, I'm really sorry, that's my dog squeaking, and you'd be talking about something fairly serious, and it's just like squeak, squeak, squeak, squeak. You're like, Yeah, sorry, I'm gonna have to sort this. And you grab it and say, like, just leave this alone, will you? Just use have the rope toy. So you've got me spoiled for choice.

SPEAKER_02 25:24

No, back to the squeaky toy. Yeah, I was gonna say she would love that. Oh, yeah, you take it away from me. That means you want me to get it for you.

SPEAKER_01 25:29

Yeah, let me get this, and then uh and then I'll come and lie on your feet, and then I'll have an somebody will come upstairs and have an excited wee on them. You're like, oh but that's so I I'm very apologetic. I'm really sorry, I'm sorry about that. And everyone's going, No, isn't this dog lovely, wonderful? Let me get a photograph. And all right, okay, fair enough. She's got a few fans.

SPEAKER_02 25:50

Um yeah, you need to start her own page, InstaPage. She's probably getting more followers than us, to be honest.

SPEAKER_01 25:56

Oh instantly. Somebody came in the office this week said I'm just off up your way to um Fran's at home. I'm off up to see your new dog. I'm like, Oh, you've come in to tell me that. You've I'm off to see your puppy. Bye.

SPEAKER_02 26:09

In fact, I've just realized forget her having her own account. We'll just put more photos of her on our account.

unknown 26:14

There we go.

SPEAKER_02 26:15

Marketing, there we go. Boom. Genius. Dogs at work, hashtag dogs at work, and then people that then get drawn into the uh podcast. This time uh next year, uh, you'll be giving your boss an email. Sorry. The podcast, you know that podcast you said it was really great. Yeah, you're right.

SPEAKER_01 26:28

Yeah, it's taking off. It's taking off. Let's not put them, let's not put the lycra pictures up there. That may hamper us.

SPEAKER_02 26:35

Good point. In fact, yeah, very good point. Um the thing is, I'm not sure if your mate Vic, you know, this will be the first time you'll actually realise what I'm looking uh look like.

SPEAKER_01 26:47

It's been a little game. He he is he is an athlete. He is he and he'll understand. I was chatting to him this week on the quay. Um, I took it must have been Monday, Tuesday, I had Esca with me, and I took him down the quay for a um so all my like smoke o lunch time, whatever. Yeah, um, so whereas before it was like, oh, I'll just pop down and have a coffee and maybe biscuit or now it's I've got to take the dog out now, so which is quite good. But anyway, I wandered down the quay and and and he was there with uh with Lee and they were uh under the uh under the walkway on one of the benches and was chatting to him, chatting to him about the podcast. He's like, Oh, and he he he says, You've got to keep it going, it's brilliant. I absolutely love it. And I thought, Oh, I thought it was just part of your training regime and you finished it. No, he looks out for it. So um thanks Vic, and hope you're listening again. And uh he's at Cheltenham actually. I seen him lucky bugger. He he could have given some tips, couldn't he? Yeah, yeah, well he yeah, thanks Vic. Next time, yeah. So um yeah, he he put some stuff on Instagram. I saw the he was down I don't know if it was the finish line or not, but um he was down at the fences, you know, bloody close. Yeah, I I I'd keep my distance if I'm honest. I've got a healthy fear of horses. So um I like the horses.

SPEAKER_02 28:01

I do like we went to Edinburgh last year. Oh, it's gonna crack. Really, it was just yeah. Very nice, very nice. He was leading. Since I've told you my tip, he's already he's Shuffler's got in front of him. Yeah, we're okay, we're still tied to second. Early days yet. Early days yet. He's on the keep your eyes on seven cave. Yeah. He's on a last dial. Yeah, yeah. Yes, yeah. Did you see um sorry, Putting Fold forecast? Have you been keeping up with that week the chipping forecast this week?

SPEAKER_01 28:41

Yeah, I thought they were putting another one out. Um, Wednesday.

SPEAKER_02 28:45

So I'm but um so he then he oh you haven't seen his interfeed, so then I'll ruin it for you. But so he then uh Eddie uh backs Colleen Makarara. I can't remember always mess his name up. And then of course he had just as soon as you said that the next day, they put a uh podcast, uh a um one of those comedy uh bet with Eddie uh because he'd the guy had withdrawn. Yeah, I mean I mean you know if you don't follow and listen to a proper podcast, then uh listeners I highly recommend the uh chipping forecast because that is you don't you don't even have to like uh uh golf the the lack of golf that those guys chat about. But yes, the uh and it's a uh yeah, yeah, anyway, go listen to it, it's hilarious. It's fine. If I'm honest, I'll just listen to this.

SPEAKER_01 29:29

Yeah, listen to this one first, clearly. I I'd never heard of uh Eddie Pepperell, if I'm honest, before uh listening to the um the chipping forecast, but um he's bloody good. He's he's really good. And and him and um uh what's he called? Um with uh Oliver Andrew Cotter?

SPEAKER_02 29:47

Yes, Cotter, isn't it? Yeah, I keep getting mixed up. Yeah, he yeah.

SPEAKER_01 29:50

He he is superb. Um I really like them both. They they they're yeah, very I know every Tuesday night, it used to be after pool night, I'd come and and put my hit my airpods in, listen to that, and because I fall asleep instantly, it'd take me all week to listen to one podcast.

SPEAKER_02 30:07

Although I I don't know if you notice the new podcast the new firmware, sending the new uh the airpods. If you fall asleep, because it switches off. So then I wake up again, I press it. So it still takes me a week, but uh I don't miss any. I don't have to rewind, it it just knows when I fell asleep, which is yeah, it's scary, really.

SPEAKER_01 30:24

But I I yeah, that or the sleepy histories is on. I've I've I'm still trying to um figure out the London Underground, I think was the latest one. Um I've listened to it about three times. I still not made it halfway yet. Um just zonk. I've been bad. I'll be lying in bed and and I'll hear like Fran snoring. Like, oh, I just want to get to just want to get to sleep. Just want to get to come on, and then if it's not the it's not the cat scratching away, it's it's like everyone'll go quiet, dogs quiet downstairs, cats are quiet, I like that oh lovely. It's like oh guys, and I so I'll give Fran a nudge and give her a kick, or you know, you're brave.

SPEAKER_02 31:04

I would never do that. Oh my god. I just uh just the volume goes up and I shiver in the corner. It's like uh I'm like, maybe I do need to buy those 500 quid uh noise cancelling headphones because these airpods aren't doing the job at the moment.

SPEAKER_01 31:20

Oh mate, that is like being at an airbase uh next to Fran. So I'll I'll I'll we'll not give it a kick, but I'll wake up and say, Fran, come on, you know, snoring. I'm not even sleeping. Like yeah, no, yes. You're not even sleeping. I've I've woken you up because you're actually snoring and rattling the windows. It's it's you are asleep. You are properly snoring. Uh that's why I'm saying, can you turn on your side or something? And the argument is used about not even being asleep.

SPEAKER_02 31:46

Yeah, correct. Yeah, I've I I've taken occasionally to uh videoing it, uh just the audio just to just to prove your point because I'm amazed that you know, literally the device goes down and then within seconds, boom, just snoring, and then something can happen. She's like, What? I said, Oh, you've been snoring. She's like, No, I haven't. Right, I'm lit. I sit there waiting, like, wait, she's gonna go again, bang, and I keep recording it. And then I may then bravely nudge what I'm not asleep, and I'm like, press play. Listen to that, listen to that. Um listen to that.

SPEAKER_01 32:18

I haven't done that. I've I've always waited till the next morning.

SPEAKER_02 32:21

You know, you say you do it instantly. If you're gonna have it, go for it. That's proof. If if not, yeah, that's too late. That's that's that's that's a yesterday problem. Then what are you talking to me for? That's a yesterday problem. Yeah, uh, you've got you're gonna bring it up there and then, yes.

SPEAKER_01 32:36

I've had a few frustrators.

SPEAKER_02 32:38

I the other one marriage advice from Lee Elliott.

SPEAKER_01 32:41

How would you deal with this one, Lee Elliot? Whilst um uh perusing the I have to say, well-stocked aisles of the co-op in the Isles of City for once, um, the other week. Um I don't know, I don't know where in fact I do know where it came from. It was John when we used to go into John and Jules. Yeah, John would always say, Oh, we've got some crisps before dinner, like little snacks and nibbles in it, but it would be olives or whatever, but there was always like a bowl of crisps. So we used to call them the pre-dinner crisps, it was brilliant. Love them because they always got really nice flavours. So anyway, something we started here on uh on a Sunday when Jules comes around for dinner. So yeah, here you go. It's pre-dinner crisps, love them. So we're in the co-op. I said, Oh, I need to get some dinner crisps. All right, what do you want? I said, Oh, brilliant.

SPEAKER_02 33:25

Along with a diluting juice.

SPEAKER_01 33:26

Yeah, dinner crisps to go with a diluting juice. If I went to pick up the um sea salt and whatever vinegar, oh not those ones. No, don't don't don't get those. Get the the plain ones with a light sprinkling of salt. You're like, What? No, they're crap. Let's get the you know, the the ones no, don't get those ones. Get the all right, okay, all right. And then she turns around and goes, but get ever get whatever you want. I'm like, no, you've just said don't get those. That's the ones I want are the salt and vinegar. Yeah, I don't get them, but whatever you want. What? You're messing with my brain here. Get what you want.

SPEAKER_02 34:03

Oh, by the way, they are the the saltiest and vinegar ones known to man. You do not want any little nicks on your finger when you eat one of those, or even a cut on your leg. Oh, you're literally anywhere along that uh kind of food chain, that's going to uh you're gonna know about it. Yeah, yes.

SPEAKER_01 34:17

Yeah, I had that, and then and then there was the um I haven't used your razor in the bath. Like um, mate, that's why I've got a beard.

SPEAKER_02 34:26

That's why I've got a beard. I've had enough of having an argument, literally had enough of that. Every time you go to use it, you got bleeding, pissing out everywhere. Who used it? I've I've been to Costco, I've bought a year's worth of razor blades, right? Genuinely a year, years worth. Cost me, I don't know, 20 million quid. Um with a load of with a little scanner because they're obviously the most expensive thing in the world in there. And um, yeah, so you get as many as many as you want, as many as you want, have your own, have your own. Bang. No, just yours. The one that you've got. And then you get the I didn't use it. Why am I cut to shreds here?

SPEAKER_01 35:01

We've had the argument this week or this last week or the week before. It was um, you've been using my razor. No, I haven't. And I'm looking at it going, look, yes, you have. I've got my own razors. I bought you know ten of them, and I was like, Yes, about eight years ago, and you've still got two left. So you've been using my fucking razors since then. Um then there's clogged up. Yeah, you I I I end up saying, just just use that, keep it. And and I'll go a week without shape. So I generally have a shape once a week, maybe, just because of the hassle.

SPEAKER_02 35:33

Mate, I've just got just grab a beard, it's easier. Don't need it then. Just grab a beard.

SPEAKER_01 35:39

I did it a few years back.

SPEAKER_02 35:40

Yeah, you go through it, go through it. You start wearing oils and stuff like that.

SPEAKER_01 35:44

Oh no. Very manscapesque. A lack of hair on my top of my head. I can't mess with it. Upside down hair. Yeah, exactly that. I just yeah, yeah. Used to have hair and then um flowing locks. Well, I know whose hair is is uh not clogging the uh the bath and the shower. It's not my bloody hair.

SPEAKER_02 36:06

That's for sure. Oh, brilliant. Excellent. Right, we've got any more uh uh before I mean you you're getting a bit brave at the moment because I am I'm I'm halfway through. Fran doesn't listen to this, and then Anna kind of she'll get she'll get briefed on it from Fran to say, Oh what I've been saying.

SPEAKER_01 36:24

We talk quite often about blue jobs, pink jobs, you know, like oh can you you know can you sort out the bins outside? Can you go and move that uh as ever every week aggregate, granite, whatever. That's a blue job, that's a blue job. And but there's been a bit of a roll reversal, I reckon, because Fran's managed to sort out the we had this thing that's called a SAP report, which we need for the house. And it's I I won't lie, it's an absolute nightmare to get in terms of the information that they want and the uh you know what windows you've got and what was the air test um result, and and you need all this air. Basically, it's a whole load of gathering a lot of information uh and sending it off to people who make some calculation and give you your energy rating. And we've got a we actually got uh we got an A rating um this week, which was Fran was uh well and me absolutely delighted by.

SPEAKER_02 37:13

Um I thought you might get an A plus with the solars and the um Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 37:17

Well I don't know if they'd know about the solars actually, maybe that but anyway either way, we we we saw you won't be superb and and delighted. Um and there was me last weekend doing the iron and thinking, hang on, hang on a second.

SPEAKER_02 37:30

You always do the ironing is. I love the iron. You do. I sit there, I can see Anna looking at me, giving it, you I wish you'd do that. And I'll just go, I wish and and I'm looking giving it, I wish something got ironed in our house. But uh that's what tumble dry is for.

SPEAKER_01 37:45

That's what my army cadet is, I reckon that's what it is. It's just used to ironing, ironing everything.

SPEAKER_02 37:52

It's one of the most hated jobs. In fact, I yeah, I'm not gonna say I do the ironing. I do the most ironing out of the two of us because occasionally I have to iron a uh well, I have a moan first, obviously. We've just come out the tumble dry all creased up. Um and then all I get is I don't fucking iron and that's it. So then one set of trousers gets done, and then the rest can just uh stay as it is.

SPEAKER_01 38:14

Does that does Anna ever go through a phase of breaking thing? Not a phase, uh Fran's done it since I've met him. Um phase. I was chatting to somebody the other day about the the wine glasses and Fran telling me this is no word of a lie, this week telling me you're running out of wine glasses as she smashed a wine glass. And I went and later I went, I wonder why.

SPEAKER_02 38:36

Mate, we have a do you know on the Amazon when you buy something? It says we just have a subscription. This is the easier subscription, repeat order, mate. Every six weeks, give us another 12. Bang.

SPEAKER_01 38:46

Yeah, somebody said to me, You need to get uh thicker wine glass. I was like, No, just stop breaking them. Oh yeah, exactly. Yeah, unbelievable. All the wine glasses gone, or not all of them, but um yeah, telling me that I need to get more because they're breaking smash. And it'll be somebody else's fault. There'll be something, you know, that's not that wasn't me. It really was. Yeah, yeah. Oh well, right. Top tips for for uh a happy life. Happy wife.

SPEAKER_02 39:19

Honestly, we we need we may need to be careful on turning this into a uh podcast. We might have to change the start of it uh from uh barbecue. I mean I was reading that then DIY disasters. Well, Lee doesn't do any, so there's no disasters there. Local news, I literally haven't talked about I don't think we've talked about the news at all. Um barbecue bragging. Um I haven't barred have you barbecued this week?

SPEAKER_01 39:42

You do a lot of barbecue now. And I think to be fair, we had the impression that you were gonna pick up on your um uh DIY world after after your um resettlement courses. I had visions of you, you know, white van man and and becoming a trade.

SPEAKER_02 39:55

Um yeah, that hasn't happened, is it? Golf frustrations. Well, I haven't played golf this week, so and oh, I'll tell you what, uh what I have forgot is uh another one of my passions, or yeah, we we use the term passions and not uh one of these fad passions sounds cooler than fads. I don't want to say pike, yeah. I'm off uh uh for the first time, so it's obviously a good passion. Uh fly fishing for pike.

SPEAKER_01 40:18

Oh, careful. Have you seen those tapes on those big things?

SPEAKER_02 40:20

Mate, it's exactly what I said. But and the guy he's taking with him, he's he's been sending me photos. I'm like, I keep showing to Anna said, You don't want to swim in those locks, darling. Have you seen these things? Mahoosive.

SPEAKER_01 40:29

You shake his hand and realize he's only got three fingers. I'd be petrified. I'll go fishing for pike. You're right, mate. You crack on.

SPEAKER_02 40:38

Yeah, no, it should be good. So uh we're off to Avymore, somewhere around there, and um uh yeah, he's he's probably into it. He had charts out on all sorts, and I just looked at him and said, Well, I'm just full on you, mate. You tell me where to go, and I'm just gonna throw.

SPEAKER_01 40:51

Is it is this another one you need a license for?

SPEAKER_02 40:53

Or yes, uh, you need a ticket, I think the day ticket. I need to go online later on uh for that. Um it's not it's not extortionate, so um just wear lycra, mate, style it out.

SPEAKER_01 41:03

No, exactly.

SPEAKER_02 41:04

I'm gonna make it mate, obviously. Well, in fairness, I'm I might wear my barber and just look at him like I own the land.

SPEAKER_01 41:12

This is my land. This says barber, you know, that should say it all. I'm here.

SPEAKER_02 41:17

Yeah, exactly. I might take the flat cat with me just in case. Oh, style it out, definitely style it out, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 41:22

Oh, that'd be good. I mean, uh I'm looking forward to the photos of all the fish you're gonna catch.

SPEAKER_02 41:27

Oh god, yeah. So it's funny because the the the setup for it, because as you discussed, is if you I mean you know, you've got to catch them first for this to be really an issue, but they're obviously heavier and bigger fighters than the fly rod I've got. So I've kind of gone for it all with a bits, obviously thrown money at the problem to um ensure I've got most of it. Well, it's you know a spear gun. Yeah, diving after it, snorkel. Um I mean, don't get me wrong, if I catch one pike, that'd be it.

SPEAKER_01 41:55

You know, there'd be new rods and all sorts of mic drop and and uh just yeah.

SPEAKER_02 41:59

I mean that'd be that be might be an emergency podcast. I might just and now we know now we realise you can actually just use it uh earpods. I might just actually just go on the uh thing and just start doing uh my own one. Uh that's talking to you.

SPEAKER_01 42:12

I tell you what, that was a game changer the other week is is realizing that the the phone and the airpods. Oh um, but as you say, I'm I'm I'm having to to try or run this uh this this um headset out tonight, which seems to be going well for me anyway.

SPEAKER_02 42:25

I can uh I'm not I did the theory, in fairness to you, as much as you do look like you were on a cool desk somewhere. Um it the the it does make sense. It's you know it's always gonna be the same position from your mouth or out.

SPEAKER_01 42:40

So I mean no fading in or out. So uh wafting round with my phone, I'll end up um fading out here or there. But yeah. No, it seems to be working well. Um I also was gonna mention um this week, um we are digging the I think I've mentioned this multiple times, but we are digging the trench this weekend for the tinterweb connection, which um we're looking at first of April for connection, so hopefully we we get that sorted. We might be able to do the um we'll get the audio and not just the audio but the um the visual as well, the cameras um on the really scare people.

SPEAKER_02 43:15

Uh yeah, I'm not sure if we'll go down for the video. We'll we'll have to discuss that. We'll see, we'll put out uh we'll voters out there, we'll see what they say. All that is Instagram. We have to uh um uh message us on Instagram whether you think this shit needs to go video, but I've got a funny feeling. Uh did we mention um I posted it. Did we the stickers arriving? Oh, with Digby.

SPEAKER_01 43:36

No, we didn't mention that on on podcast. Oh, I was amazed, and I was showing I've I've I've been showing people that post uh saying our uh our merch is out there and and Digby hopefully is um championship dinghy sailor, so everyone will be behind them and and seeing our uh advertising our podcast as they uh try and catch up with them.

SPEAKER_02 43:57

Exactly. That was a that was a um yeah, good idea. Yeah about that. Yeah, and so and uh he'll be uh racing uh cows in the rural regatta and uh when he wins that no, I've just made that up. Uh yeah, he's in cows this year, is he? Uh fast net and uh stick of one there. Uh the uh Sydney Hobart. Uh don't don't you I mean a great segue. I mean, you know, if you haven't done if you haven't done the uh uh the hobby that's what we call it, mate. The whole bar you yeah, we call it a hobar, mate. You know, you've got to go into the uh the Coast Guard, the great pub. If you haven't if you don't have a point at the Coast Guard, you never done anyway. That's for a different uh we've got to save. I can't use all of my uh big hitters in in one uh um in one episode there just because your boss is listening, you want to make this uh sound really good. Yeah, yeah, Lee's always this funny. These are the normal stories that we have in our uh podcast.

SPEAKER_01 44:48

I've already told him about your Sydney Hobart sorry, your Hobart uh race.

SPEAKER_02 44:52

Mate, it's like anything you can't call it the Hobart unless you've done it, you've got to call it the Sydney Hobart. It's like Jib. If you've been to Gibraltar, you get to call it Jib, but you can't call it Gibraltar, you can't call it Jib if you haven't been there.

SPEAKER_01 45:03

My first time at Jib, I had my shore leave band straight away.

SPEAKER_02 45:07

You did get the shore there, didn't you first?

SPEAKER_01 45:09

Oh, yeah, it was because we were ashore. Yeah, it was on upon uh late return to the ship as um was Kidaven.

SPEAKER_02 45:15

Too many JCs, too many JCs, I'm sure.

SPEAKER_01 45:17

We spent the next day down the bottom of the pump room um uh as we were we were pumping fuel. Oh, it was horrible.

SPEAKER_02 45:25

Oh, that is ranging.

SPEAKER_01 45:27

And and it they they didn't have um intrinsically safe radios at the time, so it was all done by shouting, so you had to start pumping. Uh and we had a chief officer at the time, he was a bit he was a bit he was a bit of an arse, this guy, but there was ten cadets, and we all had a shore leave band. Um and he had his in in Rasco in in the sort of um control room and uh he says I need to know that you can you can really you know let us know what happens down there and if you need to stop pumping. So we all individually had to shout stop pumping at the as loud as we possibly could. So of course the first guy sort of starts, it's like yeah, stop pumping, he's like louder, you know and then it becomes a competition then sort of all screaming, stop pumping. Excellent. Yeah, so um uh I didn't get to see a huge amount of jib, but um on the first visit, but uh yeah, I didn't even get up the rock.

SPEAKER_02 46:25

No, really, you haven't done the rock yeah, you gotta do a rock.

SPEAKER_01 46:27

No, I did, I I I have done, but um not on my first visit where you'd normally try and you know box off all the all the to-do's, but um no, one night ashore, then banned. But um gib, I love it.

SPEAKER_02 46:40

I had uh it was I think that was my first foreign run ashore and uh cash checking. So um someone turned around to me. Uh so you cash a check for Gibraltar? I went well, oh yeah, you need to uh exchange your money. Oh right, okay. First time I read a check, probably first time I read a check, really, and then put a check for uh um said, Yeah, you've got to put um uh how much do you want? I said, Oh I can't remember it well. To say£100, it was probably less than that. I don't think I earned that much then. Uh and so okay, what do I put? He said, Oh yeah, you want to make out for giblets. So I made a checkout, it was to um HMY uh uh uh Royal Yachts, uh and it was like for 99 giblets, and then you it was like you know the new boy in the uh uh in the mess. And yeah, I'd um yeah, I made a checkout for giblets. So uh but yeah.

SPEAKER_01 47:28

I don't know if you ever called them uh I I think you did, I don't know, but we always it anywhere we went, it doesn't matter what the currency was, it's just dib dabs.

SPEAKER_02 47:34

Yeah, mate, it's brilliant. I I use that now, it's great. I mean I always think I'm getting a deal. I I also stick to the fact that I use the if I'm in America, I use the 1980s exchange rate of two to one. So it's sorry, America I use two to one and they're still dib dabs. Uh uh and then uh uh the rest of them, how much is that? It's just some it's just some dib dabs.

SPEAKER_01 47:55

Dib dabs 180,000 dib dabs. Yeah, that's fine.

SPEAKER_02 47:59

It's it's it's some money.

SPEAKER_01 48:02

Hey, it's not real then, is it?

SPEAKER_02 48:05

It's not, no, no. The hangover is though, the hangover is but so are the memories, so are the memories.

SPEAKER_01 48:12

But they don't they don't come back to you until you hit 60 and you go, Oh Christ, I remember that now. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 48:18

Yeah, you're right, yeah. After a couple of beers normally.

SPEAKER_01 48:20

I've got a long list of um foreign ports I've been to that I've had my shore leave band. Have you? Oh, mate, yeah. I think every one originally on my cadet ship. Um I don't think I ever have. Oh, I had a nickel. Chief officer who was on uh on one ship before I'd qualified and he'd heard of me before I'd joined the ship. He says, Oh legendary, mate. Or here uh Dangerous Dale goes ashore. I was like shit.

SPEAKER_02 48:51

Oh, well, I mean, there's the title of this uh week's uh podcast, Dangerous Dell Goes Ashure. Um Dangerous Dell goes to TPC for sawcast sawgrass of uh like relief. There we go. You can have that title now. Have that one in there, pop that in your pipe and smoke it.

SPEAKER_01 49:09

I never knew that. Oh god, yeah. Yeah, I think um I mean I certainly managed to um screw that up when I was qualified, fortunately. But yeah, I think it's cadets though, you're just sort of we were let loose. Yeah, which you know what you're expected to suppose. We had 20 of us in our intake originally in our year group, just 20 RFA cadets. Um and it was just you know, we had 22 ships um and and and cadets were just yeah, it was a fantastic time, but we always had that feeling that we joined at the wrong time because you'd hear the stories of people on board of what it was like back in the eighties or the seventies or the sixties and stuff, and how it was proper then, and you think, oh, this is but I I speak to even if it's Fraser now, or even when I was qualified, looking at the cadets and thinking, I feel sorry for you guys because we had it much better when I was a cadet, and it's a pretty they're probably you know, it's the same growing up all the time.

SPEAKER_02 50:00

You know what you're about to literally, I can't I I could never be able to f find this fast enough, so I'm gonna do a disservice. But we've mentioned this TV series. You must remember the quote from the American Office when at the end he says, Uh uh, why does no one tell you that you're in the good old days? Yeah, and and it's so right. I mean, it's that you know, the moment you just literally these are gonna be the best days of your life, whatever it is, literally now. Yeah, yeah. You listen to this podcast, is the you know, the good old days at some stage. You're gonna sit there and go, God, you remember when we, you know, in the good old days listening to podcasts, Lee and Dowell on there before they get became multi-millionaires and took the tour took on a tour around the world. Um, but they were the good old days, and we're sat there, you know, in a spare room now, looking at a wall.

SPEAKER_01 50:41

It really it really is though. But we I mean, it's so many good times as as cadets, I have to say, and uh even as qualified, I think we we I still had some amazing times abroad, and it it's completely different now. And I've got the the classic rose-tinted glasses looking back at how great it was when I when I was at sea. And I I keep in touch with a friend of mine um who's uh he's a captain at sea now, he's still at sea now. I won't mention his name, but I remember as we got kicked out of the Hilton Dubai beach club um for swimming naked in the pool. Oh my god. But allegedly, I think we've let's just say allegedly just in case the police get a hold of us and uh but we but what the reason it got to that is that we won the uh ship's bingo as before we got into port, we used to play ship's bingo, you know, top of the funnel, blind 90 and all this. So every day at the midday pipe, we'd have uh, you know, and and bingo, and we won bingo, I think all of like 86 quid or something. Changed that into dib dabs before we went ashore. And we went at the Hil Hilton Dubai Beach Club and went and sat drinking cocktails at the uh at the swim up bar all day. Um and I remember this guy, um and it it was in a comical sort of way, but there was a there was a there was some very posh people there, really posh, you know. This woman sort of shouting up to the to the lifeguards and you know, uh make sure you look after my son. Look my son, he's the one over here. As she went down to lie in her son lounger and read a book or something. You're like, so this mate of mine who sat next to me drinking cocktails, turns around to the little kid, he must be only about seven or eight, and shark, shark, screaming at this kid, burst into tears and left the pool and started an argument with the mother and the uh the um the pool guard. Anyway, we just sat drinking cocktails all day and then uh uh you know we decided that was uh at the end of the night there was uh you had to throw your shorts into the middle of the pool and then swim and get them and fuck it. Yeah, we were soon asked to leave. Um you cannot do that in our country.

SPEAKER_02 52:41

And now Dow's not allowed to go. That explains why you can't go on Holly in Dubai now.

SPEAKER_01 52:44

And that's why we don't go to Dubai. The good old days. The good old days.

SPEAKER_02 52:51

Yes, yeah. God, you got lucky then, I tell you. Uh yeah, mate.

SPEAKER_01 52:55

You know, winning ships bingo is not uh uh you know, that's that was what that's a lottery win right there. Spent it all. We might have come home with a Dubai Hilton Beach Club towel, actually.

SPEAKER_02 53:07

Um nice, okay. Dubai back in the day in the 90s, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 53:12

Visit in the Suits or either the Gold Suits or or um the Backstreet, uh going for a haircut. Um that that was an experience in itself, and then the uh all the dodgy knockoffs, the real fakes, you know. The real fakes, yeah. The real fakes, Kevin Klein jeans and stuff.

SPEAKER_02 53:27

Yeah, Eurolexes with the uh uh genuine uh Casio uh inners. Yeah, I used to go some expert, I'd be I'd get I'd I'd get the uh get the uh the bloke in there, I'd have them all lined up there, and he'd get someone to run away, run off to get me a can of uh uh Fanta, um Ice Fanta, and he'd have them lined up and I'd get the backs out. I'm gonna show the backs are easy, and he'll it'd have all the backs out there, and then uh yeah, he used to sit there and it'd go, uh so he'd go, how much? And he'd come out with a price, and I'd just laugh and say, I'm not American, give me a decent price. Uh and then uh uh we'd just sit there in a barter, and then you'd use the classic one-liners, you know, um uh best price, best price, and you say, Oh, I'm not sure, I'm not sure. And you just kind of like gently just see having got him to got all of them lined up for you, you just go and have a look up there, and you could see him there crying, and you know, if you could get tears, you knew you'd done well. And then eventually you'd uh you'd get off your you'd get your dib dubs out and say, There you go, go on in, bang, and then strike the deal, and then uh you go for a shower and the thing would never fucking work. Although it was okay in the shower because it would dry, not an issue. It's when you went in the sea, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's never gonna work again. Never work again, it's just full of salt.

SPEAKER_01 54:39

Yeah, I remember coming home with a a a Rolex. Um, I think I'm sure I had a U in there somewhere. Flash. I remember my mum telling me as I came home from Glasgow Airport looking clearly not looking like Tom Cruise, but in my mum's eyes, like an old that was properly tanned. And that was in the days when you know you you're trying to get every inch, people were there's guys on ships who had cooking oil, you know.

SPEAKER_02 55:04

Literally, I was telling Anna that exactly today in the morning. So you sit there in the oh, we did uh the uh what you call it, uh the uh um um going through the straights sat there and lunch with my with a canal, yeah. Uh uh with my shorts on and it hoiked them up on the as as to turn them into some sort of uh um G string thing so the officer watch could so the officer watch could see me because I'd be on the foc'ecs all purposely. And as you say, you'd be getting fucking olive oil or whatever the chef had to put on it. And I'm like, it midday sun in the Gulf in June. It honestly is disgusting. Anyone listen to this to never do that? And I'm you know, I've never listened to our health tips. Never. I you I should it I shouldn't be alive, it's disgusting. Uh and you know, fortunately, I do check for uh skin cancer all the time because uh you need to, because it's just yeah.

SPEAKER_01 55:58

I I I had some great photos of um some of my photos. Um we went through the canal and uh the same sort of thing, you know. You're out there, you you've got your you made a blue shorts on, so the the top of the shorts are rolled down as far as you could, the bottom of the shorts are rolled up as far as they could. Uh and you're just slapping on whatever oil that people have given you. I don't know what that is. Gun oil, yeah, my love. Yeah, that'll get a tan. So I I came, I remember when I came home from Glasgow, my mum, I came down this sort of escalator. My mum was saying I was there with a white t- of course the white t-shirt to shine off the uh the tan shades on hair when I hand hair fake ray-bans, obviously. Fake ray-bans, fake Rollocks on my wrist. Um coming down the escalator. My mum's like, Who's this guy?

SPEAKER_02 56:48

Yeah, I know. Bless her, her uh eyesight's never been that good, is it? I look back at some of the photos and think, What the hell were you doing?

SPEAKER_01 56:59

You absolutely uh right.

SPEAKER_02 57:02

I think we're Vic's uh hanging out on his uh train at the moment, right? It's quickly check. Have you checked to see if we have uh where our listeners are from?

SPEAKER_01 57:09

Um I'm looking at it now, actually. I'm looking at um we're still trending in Asia and North America, I have to say. I don't know if we had any response from any of your San Diego Airbnb um text me.

SPEAKER_02 57:21

I mean, well, I've spoken to people, some Americans at work, and San Diego is a great place. I've chosen the right place. Well done. That's fine. Good call. Uh but you're right, nobody wants to do a house swap with me at the moment. So uh whoever is listening in America, it's California there, I can see that. Look, come on. Yeah, yeah. Get on the Instagram, um, Highlands to Islands. So it's Highlands and it's number two Islands. You'll see the same uh uh the f the thumbnail is the thumbnail you get from Spotify and Apple. So you know it's us, and you're obviously going to see a picture of me uh in the uh sort TBC sawgrass. Uh, because I've got to do it, you know. Hey, illegally illegally well, you know, hey. Yeah, I yeah, a couple days later I was there legally, so that's fine. Uh kind of yin and yang. So get yourself on there and let us know where um where am I staying in San Diego? And if you've got a house, can I stay in your house with my family? House swap. Working a house swap. I mean, you know, I live in the highlands. What can I say? You get you go salmon fishing on uh on the uh on the spay. I mean, you have to pay for your fingers, yeah, or pike fishing. I could I'll give you some good spots on that. And so you know, I'll let you borrow me uh golf clubs and the golf membership. Can't say fairer than that. I'll tell you what, exactly.

SPEAKER_01 58:30

Uh I I'm amazed, I might go for that myself. Well, exactly.

SPEAKER_02 58:36

Yes. So come on, let's get we need to get some more uh uh uh responses on uh um the gram, I think. That's what we need.

SPEAKER_01 58:44

Yeah, yeah. That'd be uh that'd be much better. But um they're definitely they're definitely listening in America, they they they do like it um for some reason. You crazy guys. Um, it's all those trying to find you. Who is this illegal fella on uh TBC sawgrass uh a few years back?

SPEAKER_02 59:01

Oh don't you it's a good point, in fact. When I when I actually fly in there, they're literally gonna get handcuffed by ice.

SPEAKER_01 59:08

I think I'm still banned from America um after our Canadian venture. And we broke into America. Oh god, yeah. We broke into America and got um well very nearly got arrested. And and I I still got a letter somewhere that uh um we were classed as illegal aliens, uh uh um having entered America illegally, not through the proper channels, even though we crossed a border crossing in a car um that they let us through in. Um only wanted to turn around. Ended up getting fingerprints and photographs and and yeah, and we didn't that was the best thing. We didn't have a wallet, I didn't have uh passports with us because it was in the hotel. We'd come out to find a Chinese, ended up crossing into America shit. Oh god. Step out of the car, sir. And you you don't argue with them.

SPEAKER_02 59:57

No, never. Never. Literally never. Uh I've got some uh yeah, Virginia. Okay, yeah, cool. So yeah, hopefully someone's gonna come back to us and uh with a nice uh about three or four bedroom um a pool would be nice because I think the Pacific's pretty cold, so you know so what a heated pool that is uh be great. Uh maybe you see a hike. I mean, hey, go big sauna. Hey, hot tub, you what you know, hey, you come here. How is hot tubbing these days? It's good. Hot tubbins good. I'm going a few more times. Anna's obviously in every day. Um she's probably in the now. Uh uh, she's yes, she's been at work all day. She just walked in uh to see me um deep in podcast. Uh she did bring me a nice cup of tea though.

SPEAKER_01 1:00:42

So uh that's the last thing to do that when she listens to this.

SPEAKER_02 1:00:47

Right. Well, on that uh bombshell, uh I think we'll uh uh call it quits on the hour mark. So again, thanks thank you, listeners. Uh, for well, hopefully you spent uh a whole hour with us and uh if you enjoy us, remember the gram, get yourself on there, give us some abuse, uh, and then uh we'll look forward to uh look forward to hearing about your adventures uh next week.

SPEAKER_01 1:01:07

Yeah, thank you. Focus the abuse at Lee and um yeah.

SPEAKER_02 1:01:12

I'm not sure if I was holding my breath, holding my gut in that photo, no. But anyway, uh yes, we'll catch you later on. Take care, have a great week, and uh see you next week. Thanks, Lee. Bye. Cheers then, bye.